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How to Write an Obituary

Writing an obituary is one of the kindest things you can do for someone you have lost. It is a short tribute that announces a death, honours a life, and gives family, friends and the wider community the practical details they need to say goodbye. If you have been asked to write one, or have taken it on yourself, please be gentle with yourself first. There is no perfect obituary, only an honest and loving one. This guide walks you through what an obituary is, how it is usually laid out, what to include, and a simple step-by-step approach. At the end you will find a fill-in template you can work through line by line. We have written it with South African families in mind, and we note where customs, wording and costs differ from one community, faith or province to another.

What an obituary is (and how it differs from a death notice)

An obituary is a written announcement of someone's death that also celebrates their life. It typically shares who the person was, the key facts of their life, the names of close family, and the details of the funeral or memorial service.

It helps to know the difference between three things people often confuse:

- A death notice is a short, formal announcement, often just a few lines, sometimes placed by the family or by a funeral home. In South Africa this is separate from the official Notice of Death (Form BI-1663) that must be completed by a doctor or funeral undertaker and registered with the Department of Home Affairs so that a death certificate can be issued. The official registration is a legal requirement; an obituary is not.

- An obituary is longer and more personal. It tells a little of the person's story and usually carries the service details.

- A eulogy or tribute is the spoken address given at the funeral or memorial. An obituary is written and is often read by people who could not attend.

An obituary can be printed in a newspaper, shared on social media, included in the order of service (the printed funeral programme), or read aloud at the service.

The standard format and structure

Most obituaries follow a familiar order. You do not have to use every element, and you can adjust the order to suit your family, faith or culture. A common structure is:

1. Announcement of the death — the person's full name, age, and the date (and sometimes place) of passing.

2. Brief life summary — where and when they were born, and the main chapters of their life such as schooling, work, marriage and community.

3. Surviving and predeceased family — those who have passed before them, and those they leave behind.

4. A few words of character — what made them who they were: their faith, humour, generosity, hobbies or achievements.

5. Service details — date, time and venue of the funeral or memorial, and any viewing or wake.

6. Special requests — flowers, donations to a chosen cause, dress code, or whether the service is private.

7. A closing line — a verse, prayer, saying or simple farewell.

Length varies. A newspaper line-notice may be only 30 to 50 words because papers usually charge per line or per word. A full obituary for an order of service or a memorial website is often 150 to 400 words. There is no fixed rule.

What to include

Gather these details before you start writing. You may not have all of them, and that is fine.

- Full name, including maiden name, clan name (isiduko / sefane), or the name the person was best known by. In many South African families a clan name or praise name carries deep meaning and is included with pride.

- Age, or date of birth and date of death.

- Place of birth and place of residence.

- Names of immediate family: spouse or partner, children, parents, siblings, and often grandchildren and great-grandchildren. It is customary to note who has passed before ("predeceased by") and who survives them ("survived by").

- Key life details: career, business, church or mosque, schools, community roles, military or struggle history, sport, music or other passions.

- Achievements and the things they cared about.

- Faith or cultural notes, if the family wishes to include them.

- Funeral or memorial details: date, time, venue, and whether there is a viewing, night vigil, or after-service gathering.

- Requests: "family flowers only," donations in lieu of flowers, dress code (for example all-white, or a favourite colour), or "private service."

Always double-check spellings of names and places, and confirm dates and the service venue with whoever is arranging the funeral.

Step by step

1. Collect the facts. Sit with family if you can and write down names, dates and places. Spreading this across a few people eases the load and avoids mistakes.

2. Decide where it will appear. A newspaper notice that is charged per line needs to be tight; an order of service or website obituary can be fuller and warmer. This shapes your length.

3. Write the opening announcement first. State the name, age and date of passing plainly and gently.

4. Tell the story in short paragraphs. Move through their life simply. You do not need to list everything. One or two true, vivid details often say more than a long list.

5. List family carefully. Use the "predeceased by" and "survived by" format, and check every name and relationship with the family.

6. Add the service details. Make these clear and easy to find, as many readers are looking specifically for the date, time and venue.

7. Add any requests and a closing line. A short verse, scripture, proverb or saying can give comfort.

8. Read it aloud and have someone check it. Reading aloud catches awkward wording. A second pair of eyes catches spelling and date errors, which matter greatly here.

9. Submit on time. Newspapers and funeral homes often have a cut-off, especially before a weekend service. Ask about deadlines and costs early.

Fill-in template

Copy the lines below and fill in the brackets. Leave out any line that does not apply.

[Full name, including maiden / clan name], [age], of [city or town], passed away [peacefully / suddenly / after a long illness] on [day, date, year] at [place, optional].

[He / She / They] was born on [date] in [place] to [parents' names].

[First name] [married / was a devoted partner to] [name] in [year]. Together they [shared / raised a family / built ...].

[He / She / They] [worked as / was known for / spent many years ...]. [Add one or two lines on career, community, church or mosque, passions, or achievements.]

[First name] is preceded in death by [names and relationships].

[He / She / They] is survived by [spouse / partner], [children and their partners], [grandchildren], [siblings], and [other loved ones].

[A sentence about their character, faith or what they loved most.]

A [funeral / memorial / requiem] service will be held on [day, date] at [time] at [venue, address]. [A viewing / night vigil / wake will take place on (date) at (place).]

[The family requests: family flowers only / donations to (cause) in lieu of flowers / dress in (colour) / the service is private.]

[Closing line: a verse, scripture, proverb, or simple farewell, e.g. "Rest in peace" or "Lala ngoxolo / Robala ka khotso."]

Note on customs and costs: South African families differ widely. Some hold a night vigil and an early Saturday burial; some observe specific cultural rites or mourning periods; faith traditions shape wording and timing. Newspaper notices are usually charged by the line or word and rates differ between titles, while a funeral home or memorial website may include a basic notice in their package. When you are unsure of the right wording or what to include, ask an elder, a faith leader, or your funeral director, who can guide you in line with your family's traditions.